I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
