she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think I sprained my soul last night
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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