Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
