the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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