turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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