there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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