The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
