He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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