she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
