Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
