Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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