I got chris browned last night
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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