Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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