and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
