you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i barfeds in our rink
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
