I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
