Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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