I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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