Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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