I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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