We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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