Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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