Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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