im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
