I'm really into asian looking animals
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
