Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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