Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
