She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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