check it out our google latitudes are spooning
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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