"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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