I wanna passion pit in your ass
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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