If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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