I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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