You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
