Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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