I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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