so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
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He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
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Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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