The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
