we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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