sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's shark week go big or go home
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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