You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
