he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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