is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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