So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
