I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
