Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
