Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you had me at cake vodka
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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