I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
