New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
