He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
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Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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