I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
