Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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