Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
