i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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