I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Even my vagina gasped.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
