so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
