fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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