One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
