he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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