covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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