I just threw up on my dentist
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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