so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I looked at my own cervix.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
