if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
