She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
