weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
