I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i already hear my dad disowning me
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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