you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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