My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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