Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
