you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
