Its about making memories worth repressing
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
