so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize