im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sext me about skeletons
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
